10022022 cPTSD and morning mindsets

Gooood morning 🌄

The sun is shining out here in Puna,Hawaii.

Mornings are always just touch and go with c- PTSD. You have to purposely put yourself in a positive mindset, no matter what. It's worth it, I promise. I personally like to start by thanking God , or the universe , whatever it is you Believe in, for this beautiful day .

☆As soon as I wake up I say to myself "Thank you Jesus for another day , and another chance !" ...I've spent way to many years being angry at myself for choices I've made in the past and also way to many years just avoiding the actual Complex PTSD, that I will never again low myself to wake up angry or start my days or my families off upset at each other. ☆

When I try to think back in time , I don't really remember a time when I just woke up in the morning extremely happy or motivated for the day . When I look back and try to think of these little things, I'm kinda drawn blanks , i'll be able to point out certain events in childhood, but between them is always not to precise lol.. I know before school, in elementary, I would usually catch the bus, which entailed me waking up and getting myself ready and then going to say bye to my dad who was usually still asleep, and then my day would start ad I went out to my street and met my neighbors for the walk to the busstop.

As the years went on and I was in high school I ended up being dropped off alot at, late, at school ..

if I wasn't at my dad's I would have been at my cousins or grandmas , or my mom's on weekends... but I never really grew up with much one on one with my parents.. alot of the fun times waking up in the mornings were spent at my cousins... and more especially my grandmas.

At grandma's, she would come crawl into bed with me , we would say some morning prayers and have some giggles , and do her favorite set of morning stretches . It was always our ritual when waking up. I realize looking back, the reason I felt and still feel so so close to my grandma (RIP) is because she WAS the one who I did get the love and compassion I felt I needed I guess, as a child ... it's in the little things such as that, our morning ritual, that make my childhood filled with love .

I'm not trying to say in any way that my parents were horrible when we woke up lol, but I guess they just never knew how to get close and do such things as this ... making sure to spend the few minutes out of the day to make your child feel loved and wanted ... there was to much inner turmoil ... their parents never gave them that , so how would they know how to give it to their own? (Its why I must take comtrol of my healing, and not let this pass on to my kid and hers . It ends with me)

My dad always tried to give love as much as possible , but it also was such a jeckyl and Hyde situation (we will dig into it sometime soon) and honestly just severly toxic , although it WAS PURE LOVE BEHIND IT ALL. he just is very troubled , very (wayyy past the delusions and false realities stage of cPTSD himself from the horrors he endured as a child.)

My mom was just always too busy. To busy for anything. and honestly. To busy for me when I was growing up. (A form of trauma-- the flight response ..) hey. Everyone has to pay bills right.

So, I'm not sure what the point of this post is , but I think it is telling me it's time to find myself and be my own person in the way that I create my OWN FAMILY RITUALS IN THE MORNING , and I think YOU should too ❤️ 😍 💖 it could be a simple 2 minutes cuddling with your child before they get up out of their bed (they will remember this act of love until their last days ), this could mean 5 minutes of prayer or reflection, with or without your family, it could be listening to your favorite song as you make your cup of coffee , anything! Get creative and most importantly: Make sure it's something that will make you HAPPY and put LOVE in your mind and heart .

Today is a beautiful day. Go out and own it !!

Xo

Jazzy