I have been suffering with #cptsd episodes for almost 6 months now basically , after a year without.
- jasminessteiner
- Mar 24, 2023
- 4 min read
Hey guys, it's me again.
Today isn't a great day, my mind won't get over the fact that my parent ignores a severe issue here at her property, about her worker who violently attacked me in my only safe place for no reason, and chooses to say I'm just crazy and refuses to come talk to us for 5 minutes and have her worker apologize to her kid, or atleast tell me IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN . (since then , he lies and says it didn't happen , I have 5 mins of video and my kids dad who had to pull him back off me multiple times , and we all live on the same property, so I'm forced to be stuck inside wondering when at any minute he will attack again) Since I am stuck with nowhere to go, this is the only way we can move on . So , here we go, this is my vent / rant of the day , let me know if you been through something similar please in comments ... I NEED support, connections.. I have none that don't enable and turn heads . )
Still waiting almost 6 months later for my mother and Lee to come speak to us here for 5 minutes since he violently fucking attacked me and accosted me in my home for no fuckinh reason .
It's something that will not go away , ever , until they grow up and stop being scared to face what they have caused (him , the attack for no reason , her , the enabling and covering it up for all this time , and choosing him over speaking to her kid in a ultimadum. When your worker attacks your child , DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT WHAT THE FUCK)
How can someone just call their kid crazy, and not come to move past a issue of her worker trying to kick her kids ass on her property, when her child has begged her to come speak for 5 minutes because she has major CPTSD (fml yes, MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED , WITH actual TRAUMA THERAPIST guiding me for months after this attack and my episides its created, SAYING MY MOTHER NEEDS TO HELP , due to it being her woofer that she supplies the alcohol to daily as payment for his work!!!! Yes, we all know he works for beer . It's fine , happens all over , woofer life , but its only fine until this type of shit starts, and is allowed to happen, ignored AND enabled .
I will not skimp on the TRUTHS to cover up bullcrap, like I witness everyone around me do since I was born, and still to this day. It's a major trigger of mine , the head turning .
"BOUNDARIES"
I do hate to say it, but its true , Like shawn keeps telling me about ... "birds of a feather" I guess .
And I have to realize this and accept it .
I refuse to be scared hiding in my house every day when I hear that drunken ass scooter drive up, as we did every day 24/7 living at my dads as grown ups, locking our doors as he paced all through the day and night ready to fucking pounce , and all through my childhood . My mother knows this is extremely harming my mental state and doesn't give a fuck.
I am not worth 5 mins of her busy life, and rarely ever have been my entire life .
When you actually cover up your worker violently attacking your kid who has severe CPTSD , THERE IS NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOU.
THAT IS ALL. Sorry for the ranting venting episode post if the day. (It is from my personal Facebook page -- link here https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid07ob9FaH9kw6PpqZ8Rqdh86Z3Pwsb3zgN2Bw1ugbHhrHsi6nyYpWE2abtTr6xKkLZl&id=100086023933208&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f )
I AM SO FUCKIN LIVID , AND WISH I COULD MOVE PAST THIS .
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🔥🔥
One thing it has taught me , is setting firm boundaries and loving myself , sticking to them . Never before have I done this , due to my abandonment trauma , codependency. But I can't stand seeing it all around me , my entire family accepts such ahit treatment as a way of life , scream like banshees as their only forn of communication with their own kids. And cover up ANY FORM of emotional intelligence (ACTUALLY WORKINGTHROUGH STUFF instead of enabling and turning heads. That's not love . That's being a coward.)
I must remember, that I AM proud of myself , for not accepting the treatment and the dismissals, and for setting Boundaries. I've lived my entire life adjusting so my mom would spend more time or feel like she loved me more (she's been running from me since I was 6, but in reality she's running from herself ) or so that my dad wouldn't be freaking out on one of his rampages on me harassing me due to his own trauma, etc,
That it's now time I THRIVE , RISE ABOVE IT AND NOT LOOK BACK.
thanks for listening guys .
I love you
The world is better withyou in it
Xo Jazzy
Comments