It's been a minute . Been having a really , really hard few weeks . But , it doesn't matter .

Aloha everyone.

It's been a hot minute!

Been having a really really hard few weeks, and noone there to talk to .

I am still , for some idiotic reason, hoping my parent will give a flying shit about the severe issue at her property, that she is covering up and ignoring, but it won't happen . She has always ran as far as she can from me as possible . Never has had a serious conversation with me my entire life without flipping a lid and loosing her shit , which in turn, makes me panic as well .

Due to this, I have to make a decision. And since it's very common in toxic family systems, for these types of things to be very hard to do,

I want to share it so others know it IS possible to stand your ground , hold your boundaries and walk away .

Literally, if they love you, they WILL do whats right .

So, with that being said , I always rant on Facebook. It irritates everyone, but it's my only outlet .

Here is my post from today. Regarding thinking about leaving the only home I ever known, to start over with my owm family, so I never have to feel this hurt again being in the same place and not able to connect with my own:

"as a child , I wish I knew more about my swiss family . We have generations and generations , back to Prussia, we are directly linked to ROMAN EMPIRE , and now with my actual DNA results , I plan to search the Vatican for records and piece things together , when we are out there this year .

This truly will be a life changing time in my life , and for the first time ever , I feel like there may be better options for me and my family , out there , then there are here . Plus, I can still fight the same fights for Hawaiian Kingdom and PUNA , from anywhere on the globe . Puna is my home though.

The hard TRUTH IS though, when it hurts you so much physically , every second, to be in your home, with your family on the same ground as you , yet you don't even know them , it's time to go ( in my eyes).

See , I'm starting to not like life here due to the actions of my actual "family" and them choosing to enable and sit idly by doing nothing, it hurts to much to be here in hawaii now. And its a feeling I've never known , because puna IS me, it MADE me who I am , Puna is the only one there always , and always loved me and nurtured me . Puna will Always be my soul .

I cant be ok sitting here for much longer without the very severe issue being taken care of , as someone with actual #CPTSD , you can't do shit like that, you don't just "forget or cover up" a very severe physical attack which re sparked your insane daily CPTSD episodes. You NEED to be able to work through it. Someone is holding that in their hands , and refuses to help , and the worst thing is, it's the person who is supposed to do these things naturally, as the parent. So, my actual moving on and healing from this, yes , IS being completely HINDERED , no matter what bullshit excuses and deflections yall wanna put out there, and my episodes drawing out more and more everytime I hear the drunk ass on scooter drive up!!!

But yet ive already explained this over and over. ... its like im reliving living at my dads and us being locked in our room 24/7 scared to even go outside cuz he was there ready to pounce , and thats NO WAY TO LIVE for ANYONE. We all saw how that sent me into seizures via a mental breakdown !!!!!! #PTSDAWARENESS

so I'm praying my parent will come to her senses and do whats right , that being having a serious conversation with her woofer who attacked her daughter , so he KNOWS THATS NOT ALLOWED , instead of covering his bullshit up and saying he didnt do it (what a croc of fucking shit) , and with me and shawn, for 5 dam minutes, all together, so this can be over with. This will not go away no matter how long yall try and cover it up . You will literally loose me forever. And I'll be super happy to fucking go.

And to you few , her friends, posting all the bs passive gaslighting posts about how we "only have one family " etc . Yeah I know . And guess what-- He physically attacked Her daughter , with someone having to , multiple times , physically pull him away, so she needs to fucking tell him not to lie to her about it, AT THE VERY LEAST, and continue to defend his drunk ass for 6 months while victims shaming and call me crazy for expecting a conversation or explanation for what the fuck happened .

Enough is fucking enough .

Sick of it here . and I have NEVER felt that way about my home, through everything and anything I ALWAYS said that i would NEVER leave Puna. But, I honestly want to fucking go as far away as heavenly possible. I also don't enjoy always ranting on fake book, but it is my only outlet, everyone and anyone runs from me . So I have to talk to a God damn stupid ass fuckinh wall , or timeline. And I'm over it . So I need to do something VERY different, LIKE LEAVING this ROCK.

Peace out"..

Jazzy

#CPTSDANDMEWTTC