No more energy to the ones who don't give it to you in the way they know you need.

One of the hardest things with someone with #CPTSD is actually putting your foot down. We have to though , to heal.

There is no reason to allow ourselves to be walked on emotionally just fir the sake of what?! Passing down generational dysfunction ?? It doesn't help anyone no matter how much someone refuses to believe this truth.

Guys , the thing is , since we are molded to being people pleasers and to put others feelimgs befire ours it feels sooo foreign to say no or to tell others you cant treat us certain ways anymore.. when its something youve enabled as well all your life they start to think your just talking out of your ass, when in reality ... you had hoped anyone of them would taje you serious...

We have to realize, IF these people you express your needs too actually love and respect you, they WILL respect your boundaries .

And if they are just silent when you do need them for once in your actual life , ever ....

Well, that's when you refuse to give them any more energy indeed.

Thus here hit me hard. Why do people refuse to see this ? Why!!! "Its just the way I am, or he/she is, and you just gotta deal with it " is the biggest heap of shit I ever heard . No, actually , the person who is being disrespectful , harming others or doing stupid shit and not apologizing or explaining onesself is the one who needs to just accept the fact that they are wrong and need to face their shit, not run hide and bury it however thru see fit when it's affecting another soul or mulitiple souls. To make someone suffer for your own selfish reasons (Because its "just how you are" honestly pisses me off.)

As we can tell, I am in a episode again . I suffer from multiple milder episodes a day with a really bad one maybe once or twice a week...

And On this blog website you will deal with many different entry's from me , most especially when my mind is in a literal FLURRY like it is now.

And sadly , all I get reminded is just how alone I really am.

The fact that I've held a certain boundary has made everyone ignore me, and I know I'm not alone in this, it's so common for us with cptsd to deal with this. Just know your not alone . This blog here hopefully will create a solid platform eventually, and if your here reading this and feel the same as I do, please leave me a comment, I'd love to connect .

I wish I could get out of the funk. But I really need support and no matter how much I genuinely ask for it, there is just seemingly none left on earth for the ones I love to give me. I've dug the deepest hole aparently, tha past 10 years , which is normal for someone with CPTSD to do.. but I'm tired of it and want to climb out so I need to feel not so alone in it I guess.

It's just not possible for me . I have to accept that I AM a loner and that I DO need to just work on this , myself . Alone . Instead of always wishing someone would be there for me . People do try in their own ways , like my daughter and her dad ... but my kid is NOT supposed to be the one there for me during this, she's supposed to be the one benefiting from her mommy's teachings.

Jazzy out

Have a good night yall