What does one do!? 😔😔😔😪 I just simply give up.

People are so weird man . And so am I , lol but believe me, in no way do I EVER act like I'm not weird.

The thing is though, where we are different, is that I actually will show I give a fu$# if my family member has cried out for help , and where I'm different, is that if I know I am causing someone emotional hardships, I will do what I can to help the situation.

I'm realizing today, (finally), that Im just cursed to be alone in this lifetime , and that's a real sad realization, I don't know what to do and I don't know where to turn for compassion and understanding.

I have gotten to a point in life where I realize I have been idolizing people who wouldn't lift a finger if they could save my life. They are showing me every day as I spiral more and more down, begging for them to give a fu%$.

The head turning at this point from my entire "family" , is completely heart shattering. And the fact that I'm spelling it all out and giving all the answers, yet they all run like scared pu&%it's, is something that I will never forgive , sure, ill smile at them and ACT , JUST LIKE THEY DO, THATS WHAT THEY DO BEST , but I'll never ever fucj%$g forget the hate they all showed me when I cried for help saying I need them ,( my cousins, my mom, ) and that if they GAVE A SHIT or cared at all and wanted a relationship with me still , They would look into C-PTSD AND WHAT THAT MEANS .

IT MEANS WE NEED SUPPORT FROM OUR CIRCLE. ACTUAL SUPPORT . YET I LOOK AROUND CALL CRY ANF BEG FOR A FUCKIN HINT, A SHRED OF IT FROM ANY OF MY BLOOD , AND THEY ALL DISAPPEAR.

Even my COUSINS won't talk to me , and do everything they damn can to ignore me the past few years, when growing up I THOUGHT they were all I had . There I go idolizing again.

This blog entry today is a major vent session, so I apologize in advance. It's a look into a chaotic CPTSD mind.

Its about actual physical friendships, and my "blood" family,

It's about their dissapearences this past 6 weeks , since telling them all in ACTUALLY DO NEED THEM, for once in my life, after being physically attacked really gnarly in my only safe place (which im still waiting for anyone to try talk to me about ) its about no matter what i do or how much i explain so clearly that eveb a 2 year old can comprehend, i am just always

misunderstood and have everyone just turn their damn heads !

No matter what. It's like it physically pains anyone to fu%$ing talk to me , or simply be there, emotionally, in my poor sad family . ONE SINGLE TIME IN THEIR LIVES ot seems would really hurt them so much , to just talk to me . #HEAVENFORBIDYEAH

Instead they do passive posts about "not judging " or "working on themselves " b s and the "try to understand, everyone has issues" bullshit when they can't even do what they themselves are trying to say as they turn their heads on you.

So grateful for being able to stand up for myself . Noone that I personality know in my life , knows how to do this. My family is made up of head turning enablers . Yes , we know how to ACT in this family, we know how to PRETEND that all is well.

I just don't know what to do anymore so I give up. Truly feel I have no family. It would have been shown in actions, THE FIRST DAY I STARTED CALLING FOR HELP .... BUT, ITS EASIER FOR THEM ALL TO HANG OUT TOGETHER AND TALK SHIT ABOUT HOW OUT OF CONTROL THEIR FAMILY MEMBER IS. INSTEAD OF HAVING FU%$ING HEARTS AND SPEAKING TO HER . A%%HOLES.

The biggest bs lie ever is "just be positive " lol.

You can't do that unless you embrace the negative too , and BE A DAMN GROWN UP AND WORK THROUGH IT. The toxic positivityis getting old people , WAKE THE FU%$ UP.

JAZZY OUT