What's REALLY going on. Don't fall for ANY OTHER bs lies floating around . #STRAIGHTUP #DOWHATSRIGHT
- jasminessteiner
- Jan 8, 2023
- 10 min read
Hey guys , I want to say thanks for following this page . This blog you are on right now is going to be taking you through very personal things in my own life as I work through them myself , when not engaged with a trauma specialist
(I highly recommend you seek a cptsd trained trauma specialist for your therapist sessions , with CPTSD , we need the right type of therapist . To go to a regular phycologist that's not trained in complex PTSD can end up prohibiting our healing time , and have it take a lot longer then necessary. We need someone who can understand us .)
While we will go through personal issues of my own, there will mostly be resources and articles posted here for coping with these sort of issues , such as cptsd recovery mental health awareness etc
I hope it will be a huge learning journey, for myself, and the ones who are followers of this blog and are seeking resources and support in their own #CPTSD mental health healing journeys.
There is a forum page as well, and I hope we all use it as much as we can to communicate here as a global mental health support community. Feel free to post anything you like pertaining to mental health .
With that all out of the way , I am making this post today to announce that I will be just posting on this blog page from now on , not my personal fakebook page that I'm used to venting on , and then I'll be sharing out the entry's into the social platforms created for this purpose (links to socials at the end)..
the things in my personal life that have led me here have now gotten to unbearable to play along with any longer . It makes me physically sick . I'm done talking about it without action , it's why my word for 2023 is #HEALTH.
The last straw was when my parent chose someone who physically came and accosted their kid and believing his bullshit lies, over coming to mediate for 5 minutes and saving their relationship with their kid .
The ultimatum was given , answer clearly shown in actions . Lame as fu+-
And for that reason , I have never been so completely shattered , humiliated and heartbroken in my life .
I will NEVER be the same after all this dumb bullshit . Do what's right people . That's all.
If you REALLY want to know what NOT to do when your kid has CPTSD and no support at all , and has been ousted from her entire circle already , this is it ------ (this is exactly what has been driving me insane for months now , tearing me apart, and I've finally been torn to shreds and will NOT let anyone mess with the pieces when they are put back together again. I need support and there is none , so I am here . If you have anything positive to say about this , and you are NOT my family , please leave a comment . I can't handle this shit anymore . Here we go , this is what my mom has done since the incident, knowing I am having severe mental episodes , and was calling out for anyone if my familys hands) :
And please , try to understand, or not , it really doesn't matter to me anymore because this now is my healing journey , I tried for 4 months with all them and this is where it led me . There is no talking with her or them , she sends us on the same circles and uses same excuses every time when she knows I am waiting to see her HERE TO SOLVE THE ISSUE so we can move on . This is not in any way meant to be a bashing post or just a post talking "bad" about someone . "Blaming etc" , or me making anything public lol it has been public SINCE DAY ONE, OVER 4 MONTHS AGO . this is me speaking THE TRUTH , and stating exactly what has been happening since Lee flipped the f out on me at my home and Shawn having to push him off and stop it all. The reason it has now gotten this far is nothing other then the straight facts I am about to list below . I don't deserve this shit .( People need to really start standing up for themselves in this life . We have generations of weak souls who can't even help themselves, and literally choose to not be there for their own due to selfish a$$ reasons of not wanting to face any hint if accountability for anything. Never in my life have I EVER acted like a saint . It's time we all heal . But, now I rise without the ones who have made me feel like such worthless shit for so long . So here we go. My family does need to understand this IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT PEOPLE . And in hoping to also find understanding somewhere in the world . YOU DONT GET TO COVER EVERYTHING UP JUST BECASUE YOU CANT SEEM TO FACE REALITY.)
When someone physically attacks your child, and it sparks their #cptsdepisodes back up daily,( after she fought so hard to get them under control after finally breaking free from her dad who was a main source of trauma -- mom being the other) and all you do is refuse to come help the problem from day one when she begs you to please come because she can't feel safe again until he explains what happened or at least that it won't happen again,( it's called cptsd episodes , we need reassurance) , and instead you sit there and choose to instead talk so much shit about: (Bare with me it's long, I'm in severe #episode and this is how I work through mine - RELEASING. ) so , here's what my mom has chosen to play along with ( and still continues too, to this very day leaving a weird ass GASLIGHTING narcissistic weird ass comment on my "Healing generational wounds " post ..) instead of coming to mediate with her woofer and the one who kept having to pull him off of me , for 5 minutes . Literally choosing the drunken fool over her relationship with her daughter. F this already -
•rumors,
• extreme gaslighting (how "poor Lee" this poor Lee that" he won't eat " --yet he sure as f drinks all the beer you buy him everyday--- blah blah "we have to build him a cabin here now" etc etc ALL BECAUSE HIS PU$$Y A$$ CANT BE A MAN AND FACE HIS ACTIONS , when you live at someone's farm and you fucking physically attacks their daughter , and you are so protected you just are given more beer and covered up the attacks you do on your own "family" it's fucking disgusting already, HE IS ENABLED HERE AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN. WORK FOR HIS BEER AND SLEEP , REPEAT. AND THE SHITTIEST THING, IS THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES , HE LEFT THAT MORNING WE WERE LAUGHING, CAME HOME COMPLETELY DRUNK SNAPPED ON ME AT MY DOOR . F THIS and the gaslighting bullshit "you blame everyone " your angry DUH YOU ARE PISSING ME THE F OFF WITH THE LIES straight up, I feel it's MENTAL what you are doing . The facts and proof you refuse to hear or look at and spew lies and assumptions and refuse to come here and do what's right . For that you lost me as you know , until you do come her for 5 min .)
• playing bullshit drug cards (from years and years and years ago has nothing at all to do with the fact that Lee actually fucked up and needs to apologize or explain himself because my child lives here and that bullshit better not EVER happen again )
• how im out of control
• angry (deflection deflection blah blah . Yep I'm angry , angry that my mother tells me everything that's happened is my fault and I lost my entire family because I can't just suck shit up -EXTREME gaslighting, I lost my cousins because after months of calling out for any kind of support and then just all covering it up and turning heads , I stated that they will absolutely not be covering this shit up as easily as they cover up really serious shit every day of their lives , and they can't handle it so they chose to start threatening and harassing me and making posts on Facebook , condemning the one who was drowning and holds ng her hand out for her family , the only ones she thought she had . ) I am trying to work on this anger this year , I need to work through this .
•all i do is blame (lol truth=blame in their minds)
• always straight to screaming and yelling after not even two seconds of speaking no matter what . It's literally where I get it from but she is so extreme and intense it's bad now . There is no way we will ever be able to talk ever until she can also face herself .
To think she chose to loose her relationship with her daughter over coming and being a adult for 5 minutes and doing what's right , I will never get over . It's flat out wrong.
•always telling me about how everything is my fault , and I just need to suck it up , yes , you heard that right , its all my fault I lost my whole family. (Even though in reality it's THE OPPOSITE. THEY LOST ME because noone will look in the mirror, and it wasn't even that, I WAS DESPERATE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AFTER BEING PHYSICALLY ATTACKED BY MY "UNCLE" AND BEING GASLIT EXTREMELY BY MY MOTHER, AND STILL AM EVEN WHEN SHAWN HAS TOLD HER EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE STILL FUCKING HAS THE NERVE TO SAY "HE SAYS HE DIDNT DO IT" AND COVER FOR HIS ASS INSTEAD OF COMING HERE FOR 5 MINUTES TO BE A MOM AND ACTUALLY MEDIATE WITH HER BEST FRIEND WHO ATTACKED HER KID . THE ULTIMATUM WAS GIVEN , HER CHOICE CHOSEN . AFTER 4 MONTHS IF ME BEGGING MY MOM TO CONE FOR 5 MINYTES AND HAVE LEE DO WHATS FUCKING RIGHT AFTER ATTACKING HER CHILD AND DOING REALLY FUCKED UP SHIT ON HER PROPERTY , SHE FINALLY MADE HER CHOICE , AND CONTINUED TO TELL ME HIW HE "DIDNT FUCKING DO IT" AFTER I TOLD HER SHE WILL LOOSE HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER KID IF I DINT SEE HER HERE SO THE 4 OF US CAN SOEAK LIKE GROWN UPS. DONT BELIEVE ANY BULLSHIT YOU HEAR OTHERWISE . F this all ALREADY ! Yall would rather freeze me out and it's NOT fucking happening )
•telling me that somehow LOL "Lee is not the threat, so and so is" (my ex 🙄🧐) because he did this and that ". What the fu+-?! Wake the fuck up, you are very wrong . The person who physically attacked your child on your property , for no damn reason, and refuses to say anything or acknowledge the severe shit he did and instead feed you bullshit lies , is the ONLY threat WAKE UP SARA. Stop deflecting . Everything you do is a deflection!! God damn!!
•That somehow i need to walk up to HIM (?!? WHAT ?! , THE VICTIM ~~most especially IN TRAUMA situations, people with CPTSD ~~~DOES NOT WALK UP TO THE ATTACKER YEAH , WAKE THE F UP. I AM DONE BEING NICE , and beg to get a explanation for the attack , or that somehow I have to have to beg the person who drives by to his room and sees me in yard every day , yet won't say anything other then "he didn't do it" , and how "she's fucked up " etc etc, I have to ask him for a apology (what the f76k is literally wrong with people . Infuriating as f+-& ?!?! What?! I can't understand at all their brains 😭🤮)
•tell her partner to "take her away to get off whatever she's on" instead of coming to hear the truth and see what happened after she begs for you to come help and talk to them, you refuse to believe the one person who was there outside of it all who told you EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED , yet you still are stuck in bs LIES he's CREATED, AND the ASSUMTIONS YOU LIVE UNDER , all because your to lame as f (yes, in my eyes this is lame as f) to come here for 5 minutes and actually do what a parent does .
•that I somehow am just in the wrong for expressing feelings and need to just suck it up and get over it "ohhhhh wellllll"
•silent treatment and REFUSING to speak about the only issue we will speak about if we are to have a relationship
The list just goes on and on and on and on
One things for sure , there is no support at all. This is what someone does when they don't want you to heal.
So , I have finally recognized it , and I am walking the fuck away
No long sad ass fake comments on my posts will ever make me feel any pity for any person after what has happened me the past 4 months since this attack , completely turning against someone who is struggling so severely and needed her family, the one thing cptsd trauma specialist says is VITAL for healing CPTSD , IS TO BE SURROUNDED BY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. SUPPORT OF FAMILY. NOTHING LESS .
AND THATS SOMETHING I FEEL I DONT HAVE, OUTSIDE OF MY 4 WALLS .
What I am learning from this , is now , if you are not for my healing,
Then You are most definetly against it , and in my way a thousand percent.
And I hope that you can find this self confidence as well in your healing journey , through all the Chaos .
Aloha always.
I love you.
Thank you for being there .
Now , I'm gonna get back to the #resources #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mindfullnessresources #cptsdhealing hunt . If you haven't already, make sure your subscribed to this blog .
It will get personal at times , and language will be used , not so friendly . But I am welcoming you into my healing journey. It is centered around me and my actual family and life issues . This naturally will make ones feel nervous. I don't care anymore . All my life I've been conditioned to just shut up and take it because somewhere else someone has it a bit harder, and that is one fucked up way to look at the world.
We need to LOVE ourselves and STAND UP for ourselves .
To try to change the world , yet all you do is run from yourself , leads to a life wasted .
Jazzy
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